Next Time Won't You Sing With Me

A is for April Fools. I told my husband I was pregnant. His "heart dropped." I'm not pregnant.

B is for BodyPump and BodyStep, two of the group fitness classes I recently tried. I'm nearing week three of Operation Lose Weight '08, but I have yet to lose a pound. I like BodyPump, which is pumping weights to music, but I am far too uncoordinated for BodyStep, which is stepping cutely to music. I didn't fall in BodyStep, but I stumbled over my block a few times. I was unable to bounce cutely.

C is for counting calories. It's not fun.

D is for David's Bridal. I do not love David's Bridal. I bought a bridesmaids dress the other day, but was unable to get a bridesmaids' discount after a twenty minute wait because the cashier couldn't find the bride's information in the system. I went back a few days later, (the information was there all along) and endured another twenty minute wait because a different cashier didn't know how to process a credit.

E is for expensive, the adjective that best describes my swim suit. After many horrifying and depressing visits to the fitting room, I finally found a two piece that covers my ghetto booty and doesn't look like something my grandma would wear. I didn't pay attention to the price tag, or the entire transaction apparently, because I didn't realize the suit was $150 until I got home. Damn.

F is for Freaky Friday, my blog's most popular post. Who knew so many people Googled parasitic heads, 200 pound tumors, freaky medical abnormalities and fetuses that survived?

G is for ghosts. I'm a huge ghost nerd. I've always wanted to collect local ghost stories and write a book about them. There are at least a couple of ghost books about any given state or city, but in my opinion they are full of the same cliched stories and flowery, over dramatic language. One of these days I'm going to collect a bunch of stories from everyday people and write about them in a non-gay way.

H is for the Humane Society, an animal services organization. I volunteer for a branch here. (Step on soap box) Get your pets spayed or neutered, reconsider buying an expensive breed and remember that adult cats and dogs need homes too! (Step off soap box)

I is for ice cream. Ice cream bars, sandwiches and cartons. My husband works for a vending company and he recently brought home dozens of ice cream treats that had half melted in his truck. I have managed to stay away from most of it, but the Snicker ice cream bars are just too damn delicious.

J is for Japan. I miss it and I already want to go back for a visit. I probably annoy my coworkers with my Japan this and that stories.

K is for King Henry VIII, he of the six wives, two of whom he had executed. His second wife, Anne Boleyn, is my favorite historical figure. Natalie Portman plays her in The Other Boleyn Girl. That movie is full of historical inaccuracies and she did not have sex with her brother! I'm a nerd.

L is for library, a delightful place. When I was in junior high I would check out ten books at a time and read them all in two weeks. This included several fine masterpieces from the Sweet Valley High series. Those girls had quite a year.

M is for mature men. Why do so many seem to feel the need to date women half their age?

N is for New Kids on the Block, or NKOTB, and the awesome reunion tour rumors. I would totally go and see them in concert. I never got to go when I was a kid.

O is for oops! I never finished the photo hunt I solicited on my Delurking Photo Fun post. Or started it. One of these days.

P is for ping pong shows. I saw one in Thailand. I'm not talking Forrest Gump here.

Q is for Quagmire, a character from The Family Guy. He would like ping pong shows.

R is for Russe, as in Charlotte Russe, the teeny bop clothing store in the mall. I can fit into some of their shirts, but the shorts look like they were made for eight year olds! I need to shop at stores for grown women.

S is for service announcements. Public service announcements that is. Canada runs a horrifying series about safety in the workplace. You can find it here. Sorry about the nightmares.

T is for Tomohiro, Takayuki, and Tomomi, all former students of mine. Tomomi claims she's coming to visit me in America. She recently sent me a package from Japan. I can't wait to get it.

U is for underwear. I frequently wear mine inside out without realizing it.

V is for vagina. I'm so mature.

W is for wannabe. Our neighbor dresses like Limp Bizkit and practices the guitar every night. Sometimes he practices at seven in the morning. W also stands for wanker.

X is for Xena, Warrior Princess. She could show me a thing or two in BodyPump.

Y is for Yeti. In elementary school I checked out a book about Yeti/Big Foot. After reading it, I was afraid to go into the woods for weeks.

Z is for zombies. My husband loves them and we made a freaky zombie pair a couple of Halloweens ago. I discovered it's more fun to dress freaky then slutty.