Unemployed!

Yesterday was my last day of work, and I am officially unemployed (again)! I suppose I should feel sad or anxious, but I don't. The job just wasn't working and to me it wasn't worth staying. When I started going home for lunch and chugging beers to relieve some of the stress I knew I had to get out. Sometimes being broke, uninsured and happy is better than being employed, insured and miserable (and an alcoholic), at least in my opinion.

I grew to hate the job for two reasons: it was extremely stressful and the boss was horrible. I could have probably handled one or the other, but not both. Constant stress and a screeching, crazy boss is a deal breaking duo in my book. I worked in the marketing department of an architecture/engineering firm. Whenever an engineer or architect wants to pursue an advertised project they have to submit a proposal. The marketing department is responsible for coordinating such proposals. In general, this involves gathering all of the required information from the engineer/architect, laying out the text and graphics in a desktop publishing program, completing any necessary forms, proofreading and editing sections and ensuring the proposal meets all of the potential client's guidelines.

The process sounds simple enough, but there was nothing simple about it. To properly complete a proposal, the coordinator has to rely on at least three other people: the project manager to provide necessary technical information, the graphic artist to design graphics and a proofreader to, well, proofread. One (or all) of these people is certain to be a pain the ass. I always hated group projects in school, and to me the job was nothing more than a series of group projects from hell. The engineers and architects are almost always ridiculously last minute and they rarely give coordinators all of the necessary information/materials until the day the proposal is due. As a result, the coordinators are constantly scrambling to get proposals done on time. At first I thought the last minute stuff was a fluke, but it happened over and over again. The last minute scrambling results in lower quality proposals because coordinators simply don’t have the time to review everything thoroughly. I found this to be nerve wracking as the coordinators are ultimately responsible for the proposal and any mistakes it contains. Some potential clients are so picky they will throw out an entire proposal if a period is in the wrong place and I was constantly terrified that I was going to lose the company millions of dollars because of a dumb error. The whole process was a giant hassle, from start to finish, and I really don’t see how anyone can do it long term.

Be that as it may, I probably wouldn’t have quit so soon had I not had a terrible boss. I could tell almost immediately that my three coworkers hated the boss, even though they were trying to hide it. I noticed lots of furious whispers and angry typing. There was also a strange tension in the air. I remember wondering how everyone could sit so quietly for eight hours. It turns out that talking irritates the boss and that anyone violating the silence will be rewarded with meaningless busy work or a slammed door. My coworkers could tell stories for days about the terrible things she’s said and the crazy things she’s done, and I witnessed a few of these things myself, but my main problem with her was how she handled (or didn’t handle) my training.

When I first started, I didn't have much interaction with the boss. She basically plunked me down at a desk and told me to review various training manuals on my own. I worked with the boss for three weeks before she went on a three-month maternity leave. Before she left, she sat with me on only once occasion (approximately thirty minutes) and showed me how to pull basic information from the company database. That was the extent of my training with her. On one occasion, I went to her with a question and she told me she was too busy and to ask my coworker. As a result, I wasn’t trained by my boss. I was trained by my coworkers. They are the ones who answered my questions and showed me how to perform the various tasks that came up during the coordination process. In the three months the boss was out my coworkers helped me whenever they could, but they were busy with proposals of their own and I had to try and figure out many things by myself. They were able to teach me various aspects of the job, but it wasn’t a cohesive training process, and I still wasn’t confident in my abilities when the boss finally returned from leave.

When the boss returned, she mentioned sitting down with me to see how things were going but that never actually happened. She answered questions and made edits but we never talked about my progress or about things I might need to work on. She seemed to very busy again. One afternoon, shortly after her return, I overhead the boss talking to an engineer about me. The engineer had called her on the phone and the two of them were discussing a proposal I had just completed. I know this because she was practically yelling and I could hear her clear across the room. I heard her say “that’s a training issue” and “that’s no excuse, she should know that by now,” in an irritated tone. I was certain I was in trouble and expected her to call me into the office, but hours passed and she never said anything about it. I eventually told her I’d overhead the phone conversation and asked if I had done something wrong. She assured me that I’d done nothing wrong, that she would have let me know if I had, and that the engineer had told her I’d done a good job. She didn’t tell me what it was I should’ve known, nor did she address “the training issue.”

Approximately a week or two after this incident, I had to review the professional goals she’d set for me in my first week and finalize my mid-year review. This was all done online. In the comment box I wrote what I thought my weaknesses were. My intent was to alert the boss to my weak points so that I could possibly get additional training and/or help with my problem areas. I was completely taken aback by her response. She wrote that my competence level would have been higher had I taken more notes during training sessions or used down time to practice new skills. That comment is ridiculous because I took pages of notes (I counted at least twenty when I cleaned out my desk) and I spent hours practicing new applications which she would have seen had she bothered to read my early timecard notes. I don’t know where she got the idea that I wasn’t doing these things. I have a suspicion she placed all of the blame on me because she was worried my written concerns would make her look bad. She also wrote that I needed to take the initiative to ask questions regularly. As I’m sure my coworkers will agree, I asked plenty of questions, and unlike her they never told me they were too busy to help. It’s difficult for me to understand how she could give me any kind of review after being out three of my four months, much less a bad one. She rated me as “below target” in the two most important categories (70% of my goals), and perhaps I was below target, but it’s not entirely my fault as her comments suggest. The implication that I was not able to meet my goals because I (and I alone) didn’t put enough effort into becoming successful is unfair and hypocritical. The bad review was the final straw and I put in my two weeks notice immediately after reading it.

Even if the boss hadn’t given me a bad review, I’m not sure I could have worked with her for any extended amount of time. She’s rude, abrupt, unethical and abrasive. I’m actually surprised she hasn’t been fired by now. Here are a few anecdotes:

* She told one of the coordinators that her husband was wary of hiring Mexican landscapers because Hispanics steal. The coordinator’s last name is Perez. Another coordinator, last name Carreño, also heard this tidbit.

* She got caught using another employee’s password to hack into her boss’s timecard.

* She regularly screeches questions from her office or interrupts conversations without so much as an “excuse me.” Half of the time I couldn’t tell who she was talking to because she’d just start screeching without warning or preamble.

* She told us she doesn’t like to use digital cameras to take pictures of black people because photos from digital cameras are too dark and black people can’t be seen.

* She took a company-owned laptop home (without permission) so that her husband can use it for work.

* She brought in photos of her naked, three-year-old child and asked the (male) graphics department manager to make her a collage.

* When she was trying to get pregnant, she told the other coordinators about the different positions she and her husband would try. When her in-laws visited she told everyone how she had to hide her dildo and sex journals.

* She refused to transfer files her boss’s boss asked her to transfer and then acted all confused when her bosses got upset with her.

* One afternoon the marketing assistant learned her mom was dying of cancer and had only a few days to live. When the assistant called in from her mother’s bedside, the boss’ first response was to ask when she would be back. Another coworker emailed the boss to say she would be taking a day off to attend a great aunt’s funeral and the boss’ one sentence response was “you can’t take bereavement leave for that.”

* She took a coworker’s used vegetable tray and used dip home (I’m talking several days old) so she wouldn’t have to buy new ones for her daughter’s birthday party. She regularly eats other people’s food without asking.


Like I said, there are stories for days about this woman. I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with her or the last minute scrambling anymore. While I don't have another job lined up, I'm looking, and something will come along eventually. Until then I'm going to enjoy my free time by watching Office Space, going to the pool, writing and placating my husband by keeping the apartment clean.

Take This Job...

Despite the gushing just a few months (and a few posts) earlier, and despite the fact that it took me months to find a real job, I've quit the one I have because it's horrible and I hate it. My last day is June 26th. Hopefully I'll be able to blog more then.

Vote or Die!

If I still have any readers out there, I will let you choose my next blog topic. You can give me your own topic or choose one of the ones listed below, based on events from my past. My current life is dull. The choices are:

A. The humorous shenanigans and/or frightening brainwashing sessions at an Oklahoma Southern Baptist youth camp (I worked there when I was 16 and 17).

B. What happened in Spring Break 2000.

C. The ping pong show I witnessed in Thailand.

D. Gun safety night with my drunken father.

E. My junior high stalking (I was the stalker).

In the meantime, enjoy this Saturday Night Live clip of the Japanese Office.

Next Time Won't You Sing With Me

A is for April Fools. I told my husband I was pregnant. His "heart dropped." I'm not pregnant.

B is for BodyPump and BodyStep, two of the group fitness classes I recently tried. I'm nearing week three of Operation Lose Weight '08, but I have yet to lose a pound. I like BodyPump, which is pumping weights to music, but I am far too uncoordinated for BodyStep, which is stepping cutely to music. I didn't fall in BodyStep, but I stumbled over my block a few times. I was unable to bounce cutely.

C is for counting calories. It's not fun.

D is for David's Bridal. I do not love David's Bridal. I bought a bridesmaids dress the other day, but was unable to get a bridesmaids' discount after a twenty minute wait because the cashier couldn't find the bride's information in the system. I went back a few days later, (the information was there all along) and endured another twenty minute wait because a different cashier didn't know how to process a credit.

E is for expensive, the adjective that best describes my swim suit. After many horrifying and depressing visits to the fitting room, I finally found a two piece that covers my ghetto booty and doesn't look like something my grandma would wear. I didn't pay attention to the price tag, or the entire transaction apparently, because I didn't realize the suit was $150 until I got home. Damn.

F is for Freaky Friday, my blog's most popular post. Who knew so many people Googled parasitic heads, 200 pound tumors, freaky medical abnormalities and fetuses that survived?

G is for ghosts. I'm a huge ghost nerd. I've always wanted to collect local ghost stories and write a book about them. There are at least a couple of ghost books about any given state or city, but in my opinion they are full of the same cliched stories and flowery, over dramatic language. One of these days I'm going to collect a bunch of stories from everyday people and write about them in a non-gay way.

H is for the Humane Society, an animal services organization. I volunteer for a branch here. (Step on soap box) Get your pets spayed or neutered, reconsider buying an expensive breed and remember that adult cats and dogs need homes too! (Step off soap box)

I is for ice cream. Ice cream bars, sandwiches and cartons. My husband works for a vending company and he recently brought home dozens of ice cream treats that had half melted in his truck. I have managed to stay away from most of it, but the Snicker ice cream bars are just too damn delicious.

J is for Japan. I miss it and I already want to go back for a visit. I probably annoy my coworkers with my Japan this and that stories.

K is for King Henry VIII, he of the six wives, two of whom he had executed. His second wife, Anne Boleyn, is my favorite historical figure. Natalie Portman plays her in The Other Boleyn Girl. That movie is full of historical inaccuracies and she did not have sex with her brother! I'm a nerd.

L is for library, a delightful place. When I was in junior high I would check out ten books at a time and read them all in two weeks. This included several fine masterpieces from the Sweet Valley High series. Those girls had quite a year.

M is for mature men. Why do so many seem to feel the need to date women half their age?

N is for New Kids on the Block, or NKOTB, and the awesome reunion tour rumors. I would totally go and see them in concert. I never got to go when I was a kid.

O is for oops! I never finished the photo hunt I solicited on my Delurking Photo Fun post. Or started it. One of these days.

P is for ping pong shows. I saw one in Thailand. I'm not talking Forrest Gump here.

Q is for Quagmire, a character from The Family Guy. He would like ping pong shows.

R is for Russe, as in Charlotte Russe, the teeny bop clothing store in the mall. I can fit into some of their shirts, but the shorts look like they were made for eight year olds! I need to shop at stores for grown women.

S is for service announcements. Public service announcements that is. Canada runs a horrifying series about safety in the workplace. You can find it here. Sorry about the nightmares.

T is for Tomohiro, Takayuki, and Tomomi, all former students of mine. Tomomi claims she's coming to visit me in America. She recently sent me a package from Japan. I can't wait to get it.

U is for underwear. I frequently wear mine inside out without realizing it.

V is for vagina. I'm so mature.

W is for wannabe. Our neighbor dresses like Limp Bizkit and practices the guitar every night. Sometimes he practices at seven in the morning. W also stands for wanker.

X is for Xena, Warrior Princess. She could show me a thing or two in BodyPump.

Y is for Yeti. In elementary school I checked out a book about Yeti/Big Foot. After reading it, I was afraid to go into the woods for weeks.

Z is for zombies. My husband loves them and we made a freaky zombie pair a couple of Halloweens ago. I discovered it's more fun to dress freaky then slutty.

Feel the Burn

15: pounds I've gained since moving back to America

20-30: pounds I'd like to lose

110: average weight of the women who work out at my gym

5: days it took me to walk normally after the RPM cycling class

So I've joined a gym. Models, NFL cheerleaders and I jog side by side on treadmills (well, they jog, I walk) and pedal furiously on stationary bikes. I unknowingly joined the trendiest gym in Tampa where most of the girls, seriously, look like models. The Tampa Bay Bucaneerettes (or whatever they're called) apparently work out there as well. I have never seen so many thin, pretty girls in one place at the same time. The guys must love it.

The RPM cycling class nearly killed me, even though I couldn't stand up and pedal nearly as long or as often as I was supposed to. My muscles kept twitching when I got off the bike and I thought I was going to collapse on the way back to the car. I'm going to go every week though, and it will be a proud day when I can complete the class like a normal person. I'm dragging my husband to a class called Body Pump tonight. Let's hope I don't drop the barbell on anyone.

I haven't lost any weight yet, but it's only been a week. Surely if I go to the gym every day something will come off soon.

Remember Me?

I'm still around. I've just been busy (sort of) and feel like I have nothing interesting to blog about. The new job is going well. I like the women I work with and the job responsibilities. The boss is a little strange and the other women in my department hate her. She recently went on maternity leave so I haven't had much time to judge for myself. I try to remember that the boss was the one who hired me and saved me from the horrors of job hunting, but it sounds like she's done some crappy, unethical things. She's certainly odd. She came straight to the office from the hospital with her newborn baby in order to pick up a case of Diet Dr. Pepper and some pineapple juice. She was still wearing her ID bracelets! She came back on the weekend to pick up her Lean Cuisines. The other women are sure her visits were an excuse to spy on us. Ahh, office politics.

I haven't been doing much during my five weeks of employment other than working and looking forward to the weekend. When it finally rolls around I usually spend the weekend petting homeless cats (volunteer work at an animal shelter) or drinking. I've also been doing a lot of reading. Right now I'm reading Roots by Alex Haley. Great book! Last weekend my husband, three neighbors and I dressed up and went to a Renaissance festival. Good times. I didn't realize hippies and angsty goth teens were into Renaissance fairs. Here are some photos (not of hippies and goths, but of me and my group, with the exception of the last one, which makes laugh):

Random Update

I’m feeling nostalgic today.

This time last year, my husband and I had just arrived in Japan, ready for our big adventure. Crazy karaoke sessions, cherry blossom viewings, sumo wresting tournaments, sushi carousels, beer guzzling, and various bizarre experiences all lay ahead. Bankruptcy, unemployment and bouts of homesickeness were also in store. If things had gone as planned we would have returned to America only a few days ago. While I’m a little sad Nova’s bankruptcy cut our time short, I’m still glad to be back home and finally settling in. Maybe one day my husband and I will go back to visit former students and see our old license plates on the restaurant walls. My student sent me a new email about that, along with photos of the plates and my postcard on the wall. The owner even remembered my husband because he always said “delicious” and “thank you” in an overly dramatic way.

The new job is going well. The work seems interesting and is in line with what I want to do, but they don’t have much (or anything) for me to do right now. I’m actually typing this blog on my work computer because I can’t stand watching the clock. There's an awkward transition with every job and everytime I get bored because I have nothing to do. The three other women in my department can't stand the manager and complain about her constantly. That too seems to come with every job. I remember the other teachers at Nova griping about the boss on my first day. A few months later, I was griping in front of new teachers. I couldn't stand that guy though. Even if my new boss is difficult work with, she took a chance and hired me and I hope not to forget that. If I ever feel negative about the job or my boss, I'll think about HR black holes and terrible career fairs. Hopefully, that will keep me from taking things for granted.